just a little anxiety

Last night I was once again curling around the anxious concept that I carry no weight in this tremendous scheme; recognizing my eternal anonymity.

I had a dream this morning where I had to move somewhere urgently, and I had only a limited time to collect all of my things. I just kept finding more to take, stressing over how to pack; my clothes, my travel souvenirs, sketchbooks, music, letters, electronics, baby photos.. Acting like my house was going to burn down. Ransacking my mind to make sure I wasn’t losing anything.

And the dream kept extending itself in that funny way.. As I was too occupied collecting everything I could think of to preserve, I never even got to leave.

I woke up wondering where I was going.

Monday, 31st January

I’ve been reading old entries from my other blog, and I just feel like publishing them here. Because so much of what I wrote is still relevant, and I continue to think about the same types of things anyway.

This is me a year ago…

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Saturday, 20th April

Anonymous said: I had a dream that we were on a bicycle adventure! We were staying in strange hotels and then got our bikes stolen but we found them and stole them back, but we had to get away fast. We rode away and then jumped into a car and then I woke up. It was really awesome and exciting.\

Maybe they had theirs stolen too. Maybe everyone in that world you had was scrambling to restore ownership of a bike by stealing it… A world of disturbingly ambiguous ethical dilemmas…



I think I’ve had a similar dream like that before, where something of mine is stolen and it becomes an epic to get it back…

Saturday, 20th April


Lux Eucharistica - Kölner Dom Juni 2013 (by nogocologne)

..it’s been done

Monday, 8th July

losing love is a death.
Last night I visited a cathedral I had been to before. Only now it was entirely flooded almost to the ceiling. People would walk along the gutter-width stone beams amongst all the water, exploring the transformed place. I slipped off and figured it was easier to swim in the surrounding lake instead of having to balance. But I found myself caught in a current that swiftly carried me through the nave to the wall and down underwater to a dark altar. It held me there,
and I drowned.

Saturday, 13th July

I had a dream about a night fire that ate spoken words.
Someone fed it something of the idea
that kisses aren’t just kisses; they carry weight, they move landscapes. And in postsilence
I was pecked on the cheek by a stranger,
a raven, who soon after
flew away from the sputtering blaze
into the stillness of unseen pines.

Thursday, 2nd October