I need help, this climate is making me sick.
I’ve been feeling like what I have to offer is received with apathy at best. I’ve been feeling rejected lately in big ways; undervalued.
This society doesn’t value creative work as much as other fields.
I tried some things and failed. I’ve been free, I’ve been lost.
This society tells you to specialize in one thing and make it a career. It’s so one-dimensional. People get so uninteresting. I want to do many things, I want to live with importance, never monotony. I don’t know where to start.
People are cruel. Some don’t want my friendship, they don’t want any part of me at all. I feel neglected more than I realize. I feel like so few value my expression. We make it so that we’re all fighting alone.
I’m not doing nothing. If I got a job I hated, that would be nothing. Money is nothing, money doesn’t show much. Life is in the mind, not in stacks of paper, not in numbers of stale white columns.
I’m collecting experiences. I’m being myself, I’m doing things that are important to me, that bring me joy, even though they haven’t paid me a cent. It’s more than nothing. It’s something.
I have many skills; I’m not going to have a specific career. And for this I feel rejected, pressured, outcast.
I need to know I’ll be ok. I need to know that there’s a way to be independent like this with a joyful life. I want meaning. I want to share whatever I have to give, I want to be able to continue doing things I love. Where do I go?
I was just sitting there, angry and hurt, just chanting in my mind
“I’m not doing nothing.”